I WENT TO A NUDE BEACH ON OUR SECOND DATE. THIS IS HOW IT WENT.

It is a sunny winter day, and I am walking along the beach on my second date with someone I’d matched with on Hinge. I was on my way to have my very own experience of the naked dating TV series, Undressed. Who suggested this date idea? Yours truly.

He had organised the first date at one of my favourite bars a week prior. That evening had slipped away from us, particularly after sharing a bottle of red.  The connection seemed effortless, interesting, and playful. We both wanted a second date. He asked me if I'd like to see him again. This was a no brainer. I suggested some fun second date ideas including rollerblading, darts, bowling, yoga, even to do some art together. I asked my manager at work for her thoughts. She is also a fellow sexologist and of course to no surprise, suggested the nude beach.

Initially I shot her idea down. I thought this was way too unconventional for a second date. I’d been to the nude beach once before, but that was with one of my best friends. I’d found this experience liberating and cultivated a deeper appreciation for my body. I’ll admit, I was curious how I would respond to such an unconventional date so early into meeting someone. After some reflection I thought this might actually be a great idea.

I thought back on how many first and second dates I’ve been on. Never have I gone to a nude beach before with a date! When you’ve been on endless first and second dates, they can tend to lose a bit of the magic by the time you reach your 30s. I felt this date could facilitate a fun and cheeky environment but also be quite relaxed too.

As someone who works in the sexual wellness industry and is a sexologist, here are my take aways from naked dating:

1. Being naked is not consent.

As I undressed myself in front of my date, conversation continued. I didn’t notice his attention shifting too much to my body. We mirrored each other’s behaviours. I took my top off, he took his off. I took my pants off, as did he. In fact, I needed to ask him to help take my pants off due to an injury. He didn’t make any sexualised comments. In fact, after some time had passed, he asked for my consent to look at my bottom. I absolutely loved that he asked. I encouraged him to admire my curves. This made me feel comfortable in his presence and respected by him.

2. Attraction versus sexualisation.

Being naked in a non-sexual setting teaches us to differentiate between what is simply attraction, and what is sexual behaviour. Knowing that yourself, and your date can be in this situation demonstrates capacity to suspend sexualised thoughts and not act on them. This provides an opportunity to acknowledge attraction in a safe and healthy way. This affirms we can experience attraction without sexualising a person. Our social scripts around being naked is often synonymous with sex. We are often only shown through media that if you are naked, it is to engage in sex. Experiencing a nude date teaches us that we can be attracted to a person without sexualising them. 

3.  This fast-tracks your comfort levels with each other.

As dating progresses the chances of when you have sex increases. There is no rule of thumb for when having sex for the first time is best. It is normal that we sometimes feel a bit nervous leading up to sex. Perhaps not knowing if they will find your body attractive, or if you might have a mismatch of sexual energy.  Ripping off the band-aid and being naked in an environment that promotes body-neutrality and consent can help remind us nakedness does not equal shame, embarrassment, or the need to perform sexually. Or any other unhelpful narratives we have generated. Once we were both naked, not a lot changed. We continued to engage in conversation, flirt a little. We enjoyed kissing each other, playing footsies and touching each other’s hands. It's almost like, now the grand reveal is over, when intimacy is established, our focus can be on what we want to cultivate sexually and not swept up in this rejection complex when the clothes come off.

I am so happy with my decision to suggest and commit to going through with the nude beach for the second date. It was one of the most relaxed dates I’ve been on with just the right amount of innocence and desire mixed in. If you are looking for a date idea, I would highly suggest going to a nude beach together.